So, today I woke up and im feeling scratchy in my throat. When living with a supressed immune system everything is a bit more difficult.. Im a bit more frail I guess. I have to be careful because sometimes I have a hard time just getting up. I guess little by little…Im dying. I dont mind, Im not on the street living wit Aids. I know there are those who are. Im not alone. I know there are those who are. Im not without food and water and yes Im sure there are those who are without. Im lucky, even though I can feel the effects of the virus, age and the other things going on with me. I look at things like a kid now, I remember as a kid little things were cool…like wacky packages back in the 70s…little monster cards depicting pictures of monsters driving little cars. Im excited by having a new pair of sweatpants or a new shirt. Even a cool braclet which I wear now that says “HIV Survivor” I hear tht when we age or get sick we resort back to acting like a child. Not that its a sign of old timers disease but just maybe we get scared at the reality of life and we hide in our shell like a little turtle. maybe thats whats going on with me Either way Im still alive and breathing. I know nw that Ill always be poor and struggling. Ill never not worry about being able to pay my bills. Its ok. Ill always take HIV meds…thats ok too. Ive developed a different appreciation for life. Its not about stuff..big houses, cars or any of that for that matter.its about seeing another day and not letting things bother me. I am a survivor of Aids…for 18 years now and I know what its like to suffer from an opportunistic infection. But…I also know what its like to write a book that was fun and exciting even though it may not become so popular. It was the process that made it fun. So if you stuggle and see no hope…sit down and write….see where it takes you. You may be surprised.