My Old Life Before Aids

Ok, so I ddnt always have the HIV virus, infact I used to be pretty healthy and did all kinds of stuff.  My favorite thing was surfing….water of course…not the net.  I loved the feeling of the wave crashing over my head as I tucked into a tube.  The view from inside is awesome.   Like a water cathedral and your in total control whether you make it out of the barrel or not.  Surfing is one of those sports that you either get it or you dont.  I like paddling out on days when the waves where big,  I was considered well fearless I guess….so they named meht Big Wave Dave in my hometown.   I also liked to hang out and just chill on the beach but… was always calling or the need to work.  I couldnt make it as a surfer….its hard to get noticed beause there are so many surfers and so many that rip the waves.  So after a while I had to just find a way to balace wrk and surf.  It woulda been easier if I had a family but I didn, not after 17.  So I was always on my own scraping by, struggling.  So finally I caved in and just focused on work and building a life.   When I got sick it was like oh shit  now what.  The I got caught up with doctors and therapists and meds and I was like well…this sucks.  Then you have to deal with neighbors who are beating their wives or yelling and people who break in cars and your silently screaming in your head “Im dying and nobody knows!”  Thats when you get more depressed yet the outside influences continue….and you feel like getting under the covers and hiding.  So regardless of whether I am at the beach or where I am I’m always in fight or flight mode.  always.  So, thats another reason I write,  I do it to help the noises in my head which are saying “Something’s not right” and it gives me peace if only for a minute.  My eyes burn when I have to put in these crazy eyedrops I have to take and it makes the world look oh  so weird.  I guess…yea Im dying but then we all are arent we?  So, I remeber the good times I had growng up in a small beach town where bums are welcome and trash dumpsters are home for many.  I rememeber not long ago I was the one who had the life, the big truck, the drives to the beach were fun and exciting and now I look at myself and I am a shell of what I once was.  It makes me sad and then I feel like why bother.  But I have to move forward somehow if nt for me for my sons sake.  So, maybe even this stupid little blog that nobody gives a shit about is just my way of venting what I vent about.  Just another person of this good ol USA living in quiet desperation.  Dave

Author Surfing Back In The Day

Emerald Isle NC

Surfing the pier


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