So Im wondering if anyone has any ideas for a new book. Im thinking maybe a childrens book. I think that would be fun. Ive come to the realization that books are hard as hell to sell. Probably harder to sell then then to write..lol Thats discouraging. But then playing guitar for money on the street corner is difficult too. In my present state I doubt playing guitar would be a viable solution. So I am a guy that although Im down and out still at least have an internet connection and a car and wow even a gym membership. Thats crazy but Im thankful for that. My problem is when I get an idea it is sometimes difficult to follow through. Like I tink its easy to blow leaves off the pavement but for me to do it would be redundant. Like my mind is so distracted I would end up staring in space while Im blowing leaves around and then someone would get pissed because I just blew leaves all over them and their Starbucks coffee. Not all the time though…if Im driving I am very focused and have almost a tunnel vision thingy going on. Other times if Im just hanging out I tend to lose focus. Today I walked 6 miles at the gym, I feel it helps me but I also have a difficult time afterwards and trying to stay focused. Im watching a show on infectious diseases and its more of a conference thing. I see in certain countries they now do a thermal scan when entering the country. I dont understand that…are they looking for low body temperature or what. It all seems so strange. 10 years ago I dont think we had that…this county seems to be afraid of itself….like maybe afaid of advances in technology or a afraid of the diseases which have plauged the country. Disease and illness are a part of life. Its been roven time and time again. All you have to do is visit a graveyard or maybe a morgue if your into that stuff. I do know that when you do have an illness its very difficult to feel like your wanted or even accepted. Im sure this is why so many HIV positives are so afraid to go see help…We also have a very very smart society. Some booksmart, some streetsmart and some just have great common sense. But through all of it we still have so many problems and stigma attatched to our own illnesses. So, I dont know thats my take on that. Back to the books, there is one book I remember reading to my son was “Caps For Sale”. I freaking love that book. It is really cool. I still refuse to accept the fact that my life is over due to my HIV status. I still do what I can to take care of myself but Im older and not as strong as younger people. So, I guess that why I write, sometimes Ill pretend Im on the beach writing. Sounds corny but it puts me in a better place instead of where I am at, which isnt that bad it just cost money. Money I well…probably dont really have. Anyways thats my thoughts for today. Im sorry it wasnt so uplifting…my big toe hurts and I need to have it looked at. The leaves that have fallen are now turning brown….the trees are almost all barren. It didnt take long…maybe a week for them to lose their leaves. But one thing positive is that I was still here to watch the leaves fall.