What Inspires YOU?

Ive been wondering about this question for a longtime.  I used to be inspired or more like impressed when I would work on a electrical project all day long installing stuff like conduit runs of 100;s of feet then branching off pull cans and installing more conduit out of those cans which then would drop down into walls for data lines that would be pulled later.  One of my last jobs as a fire alarm technician was pulling Cat 5 cables from 9 floors down to the basement.  On the same job I and 3 others were responsible for builing an IT room.   This IT room had all kinds of racks that would hold the Cat 5 cables which eventually would get terminated and spliced.  It was one of those jobs where you have to have an FBI clearence which took 9 months to conduct,  In the end I became a Class A Fire Alarm Installer.  My boss called it “As good as it gets Dave.   Your now a white collar construction worker.   Then I got sick and it all came crumbling down.  I lost my key card for the building and my pull station keys and my rating.  It took 10 years of commercial electrical work to get to that point and then I was like WTF, now my career is over.  So people who see me playing guitar or whatever probably would of never guessed that Ive been a US Marine, an electrician and a Fire Alarm Installer.  That makes be bummed out because the reality is I still know my shit I just cant get in the door.  So after 3 years after my hospitalization I became kinda despondent, like ahhh fuck it my life is ruined goddammnit.  Then I wanted to just die….I really didnt want to live anymore and I almost made it happen.  But…I didnt.  Today at the gym a lady I know said Dave, I know you have been through alot.  She said, I read your book and I know what your illness is and what a terrible upbringing you had and how you were abused and knocked around and were homeless a few times.  Then she said….what makes you different is that for all the bad things that had happen not once did you ever harm anyone or steal or kill or cheat people.  She said that people who go through much much less snap and go off the deep end like the football player who just killed his wife and then himself.  He was only 25.  So then she says God has you here and allowed you to live for a reason, he could of easily taken you but he didnt.  Your living proof and even though you feel like shit, and your depressed over stuff in your life you still come to the gym every morning at 5 am when you dont even have to.  She then said it took guts for you to write your book, to lay it all on the line and just say “OK there ya go…thats my story'”  Most wouldnt.  So I guess  maybe what inspires me is someone like her, someone that says, hey its ok to feel what you feel and its ok to try and that its ok to fail.  We all learn from it. So I felt better, maybe not any smarter or richer but better.  And while across the country I know there are people who will belly up for years and years at the local bar talking about the good ol days, Im determined to keep trying to believe that these are the good ol days.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s