Its Raining Frogs!

Well, maybe not frogs but I did see a couple earthworms swimming around.  Today I see alot of places are still closed.  The gym is closed but thats ok.  I went to the gas station and got my ten bucks worth of gas which keeps my little Tracker moving.  Ten bucks in my car can actually get me about 60 miles which really isnt that bad.   I look at other cars and think whow I bet thats a freaking gas guzzler and usually Im right.  I keep things simple now….I mean real simple.  Its almost sick.  I have a small little space that I use as an office which is really just a triangle shaped desk made of Rosewood and then my laptop with my little speakers that I bought for thirty bucks and I have a few pictures.  One of a ten by thirteen acrylic painting I made of hot air balloons and a picture of my son and my latest picture that Casey Voight sent me for buying her Kindle version of The Dove.  Very cool.  I also bought some new headphones.  They are kinda weird but the sound is great. So, thats it and my cell phone and a bunch of pens and a remote control helicopter which I bought.  Its small like 5 inches long but beleive it or not it really flies and has lights and everything,,  I am for the most part comfortably living a simple life I guess.  I still have alot of stuff though, probably 300 cds and my guitars and two bikes and a nice stereo which well Im sure its outdated by now.  I also have a brand new watch and a few other things that are cool.  Gone are the days of me walking into a big garage with my F150 and all kinds of electrical stuff..  Gone is the nice house and the big backyard which I remember drinking beers in talking with my friends on the phone who were down in San Diego. All that is gone….the e toys my son had when he was small are now at the grandparents collecting dust in the backyard.  It doesnt bother me anymore but I did notice Ive become a more emotional person.  Maybe Im lacking testosterone, I dont know. Could be.  All I know its the things that make me happy are not the same as before.  Ive been following some new writers and trying to get as many tips as a can from them.  But I know its all a process, this writing deal.  It just doesnt really pay off as well as some would hope for.  I guess you could maybe write a good book on marketing and probably make some sales but thats not really my cup of tea at this point. Ive seen some pretty awesome work though.  I bought Lily M Loves book Meet Me In The Dark and I have to admit it really is well written.  Its kinda dark kinda mysterious and kinda suspenseful but it works well.  Ive also realized that for me anyway, even if I move somewhere else, the problems I have will still be there.  I could move back to Calfornia but I would still be dealing with the same crap Im dealing with now. Its easier I guess just staying put until the fat lady sings.  But, I would like to have fun before the ride is over.  I just think that raising kids is a full time job and as much as it would be so much easier to walk away and keep all my money that I do have to myself, it wouldnt be appropriate.  I remember years ago I was struggling in San Diego, had to be early 90s. So I rented a room, I would call it more like a closet.  It was teeny tiny but it was clean.  I felt like I was in a cave.  A little jacked up cave where all you could do is sit.  And sit I did, for 6 months.  I didnt do much.  I would walk out to the mall and see all the people shopping and I was like wow…this sucks.  then back to to the room.  And I would sit there and just dwell on shit. Then finally I had to leave, i couldnt take it anymore.  I had no car and just a backpack.  So I ended up on the street.  I met a couple people who were down and out and they seemed cool.  But we were homeless.  So, I ended up hanging out with them for a while and then called a friend of mine.  he said where are you, Im coming to get you..  So I told the two I was taking off to the beach.  They wanted to come,  I said no, my friend doesnt want any one else coming.  So, they tried to bumrush me before my friend got there.  I was like oh fuck no.  So Im running and one of the guys runs across the street and the other one ends up ahead of me and stops and tries to block me.  I ran right at him and lifted my arm up and clocked him in the jaw with my  elbow.  So he goes down but the other guy starts running after me.  Im running down the main street in downtown and this guy is after me and all of a sudden a cop is there.  So he breaks us up and say ok, you walk that way and you walk the other way..  So that was that and finally my friend showed up and the rest is history. He took me to where he lived and then thats when I started getting my life together again.  So now, I guess I could sit and reflect forever or just say screw it and try and start over.  But I dont understand what starting over really is.  I have a place to live, I have a son, I even have a car and a few toys.  So maybe we are left in the end with all we really need.  Nothing more. maybe thats enough.  So, thays my story for the day, hope it didnt bore you too much.  I guess I dont have much to say, guess Ill read…


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