Hiatus Maybe Coming


So, many of you Know my condition and that Im living  with the dreaded HIV.  Its ok, Ive had it a while.  Unfortunately  lately Ive been feeling very poorly.  Im not sure whats going on but I have been having bad headaches and running a fever.  So, thats why I havent posted i a couple days.  The other day I went to the gym but didnt last but maybe 1/2 hour.  Ive been living with this for almost 20 years since my early 30s I guess and now at 49 Im like yea, nothing is gonna surprise me anymore.  Ive had a crazy life but I really think Im done fighting.  Not living, just fighting it all.  I think its just been hard because Ive been on my own sinceI was 17, never went to college and never had a place to go home to when my dad died.  So, yea its been a rough life.  Ive been homeless, Ive lived in lousy shitholes and been at the bottom of the barrel a few times.  But during it all I always managed to work.  I even worked when I was homeless, sleeping in my car and showering at the job.  Ive ridden my bicycle 10 miles just to work a crap job at Sea World for 6 bucks an hour in the early 90’s. Then I would work like a dog as a cook just to walk out at the end of the day and see my bike stolen.  So, even though I worked I never really was rich.  The best I got was working as an electrician after four years of training and that got me the house, the truck and all that stuff.  But then when I got sick I was like oh shit, Im in trouble.  So, my numbers have been good the last time I checked but I now they are concerned about me at the VA.  My ID doctors.  They tell me what I went through should of killed  me and nearly did so they monitor me closely.  So, I think I may go into the hospital in a few days to have them check me out.  Maybe keep me in for a while so they can stabilize me and check my meds and all that stuff.  So, if you dont hear from me thats whats up.  Im not afraid of dying, Im afraid of suffering.  But living with this Ive found is suffering, so maybe there’s nothing to fear anymore.  All I know is Ive tried, I am only one person though and at this point I dont expect much. Im tired, real tired but I have a family who depends on me to at least be here.  My writing has been put on hold for a while and even writing this blog is tough today.  My head hurts and my teeth hurt horribly.  Yesterday I broke down and cried again.  It comes out of nowhere, I dont get it.  I never used to cry before.  I think it may have been too much for me.  People who are healthy dont understand I guess.  Not unti you get sick and actually keep living is when you realize wow…this sucks.  So, Im not going into details. My romance book has gotten much longer and is coming along well.  I just need to get some things figured out before I continue.  So, thanks for all of your support, your friendship and encouragement.  I truly appreciate it.  Dave

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2 thoughts on “Hiatus Maybe Coming

  1. Dave, not sure what I’ll do if too many days go by without your interesting blog posts! Just know we are praying for you to feel better and getting what you need to get back on track is a good move. Casey

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